No way to sugar coat it...

This has been one shitty month.  The goods have been good... but man oh man the bads suck big hairy monkey balls! 

I lost my kitty last night.  

Dezi was unhappy being an inside kitty.  He had wanderlust but never wandered all that far.  He stayed close to home and used the doggy door with Murphey to go in and out.  

He made it through all of the New Years Eve festivities and finally crawled under Jocelyn's crib to go to sleep and hide from the fireworks.  

He must have wandered out on Sunday afternoon and from here... I don't know.  all I do know is that last night around 10:00 pm, I got a call that he had been brought into an emergency animal hospital.  He had been hit by a car and was very very very cold.  So I don't know how long he had been laying there on the side of the road.  

They did an ex ray and determined that his spine had been dislocated and he was paralyzed in the hindquarters.  So I made the humane and impossible decision to have him put down last night around 12:30 am.  I went and held his little face in my hands and told him how I loved him.  I sang to him and let the doctor take away his pain.  

He was my little buddy and he is now sleeping on my sisters head.  His big spirit is going to be missed.  

Love you Dezi.  Take good care of Kiki.  

Ok...  I'm ready for a new start with happy things.  :) 

RIP Kiki

Dear Kikibird,



I don't know how to say goodbye to you.  You frustrated the hell out of me.  You made me angrier than any person alive.  I shook my head at your crazy and sometimes dangerous antics.  You made me cry.  You made me not talk to you for stretches of time.  You even made me roll my eyes on occasion. 

But, you also made me happier than I could have imagined.  You were my best friend for as long as I can remember.  We always said that because we moved so much growing up, we only had each other.  You made me laugh... gosh you made me laugh.  I envied you your heart.  You had the biggest heart in the whole wide world.  Your love for animals and the broken hearted and downtrodden probably rivaled Mother Theresa.  But, you always thought you could save them... and maybe that was because you couldn't save yourself. 

I don't know how to say goodbye to you.  I can't imagine not being able to call you when I'm in the car.  I can't imagine you not calling me fifty thousand times a day for some of the most inane things.  Me telling you... Kristin... I'm BUSY!  And you kept talking... I said... I'm BUSY!  you keep talking.  Finally... I say... didn't you hear me?  You always said... "yes, I'm just ignoring you."  ha! 

Who am I going to cook with?  Who am I going to tell... you're making it too complicated?  Who am I going to ask my stupid animal questions?  Who's going to help me look for Dezi when he goes missing? 

I am so blessed because I do have people who love me and who are holding me up while I am missing you.  And I love them ALL so very very much.  And I AM doing ok...  I know you are in a better place.  I know you are at peace, finally!  FINALLY!  And I am ok, knowing that. 

 I just miss you.  I miss the you that giggled with me and told me riddles.  I miss the you that talked football with me.  I miss the you that danced with me on my wedding day.  I miss the you that held my hand when we walked into a new school together.  I even miss the you that slapped me because you said I was hysterical.  (when we were 13 and 15 ish).  I miss the you that used to talk about our dreams with me.  I miss the you that had a smile that lit up a room. 



I miss the you that rubbed tushies with me. 

I miss the you that loved life. 

The you that cried because I was getting married... again.  ... not because you were sad but because you loved me. 

I miss the you that loved your daughter "to the moon and back" and told her often...  "You are the best thing I did"! 

I miss the you that shared my history...  I just don't know how to say goodbye to you. 

I love you very much Kiki!  "Kiki DO IT!"  I will miss you forever.