Tuesday, January 3, 2012

RIP Kiki

Dear Kikibird,

I don't know how to say goodbye to you.  You frustrated the hell out of me.  You made me angrier than any person alive.  I shook my head at your crazy and sometimes dangerous antics.  You made me cry.  You made me not talk to you for stretches of time.  You even made me roll my eyes on occasion. 

But, you also made me happier than I could have imagined.  You were my best friend for as long as I can remember.  We always said that because we moved so much growing up, we only had each other.  You made me laugh... gosh you made me laugh.  I envied you your heart.  You had the biggest heart in the whole wide world.  Your love for animals and the broken hearted and downtrodden probably rivaled Mother Theresa.  But, you always thought you could save them... and maybe that was because you couldn't save yourself. 

I don't know how to say goodbye to you.  I can't imagine not being able to call you when I'm in the car.  I can't imagine you not calling me fifty thousand times a day for some of the most inane things.  Me telling you... Kristin... I'm BUSY!  And you kept talking... I said... I'm BUSY!  you keep talking.  Finally... I say... didn't you hear me?  You always said... "yes, I'm just ignoring you."  ha! 

Who am I going to cook with?  Who am I going to tell... you're making it too complicated?  Who am I going to ask my stupid animal questions?  Who's going to help me look for Dezi when he goes missing? 

I am so blessed because I do have people who love me and who are holding me up while I am missing you.  And I love them ALL so very very much.  And I AM doing ok...  I know you are in a better place.  I know you are at peace, finally!  FINALLY!  And I am ok, knowing that. 

 I just miss you.  I miss the you that giggled with me and told me riddles.  I miss the you that talked football with me.  I miss the you that danced with me on my wedding day.  I miss the you that held my hand when we walked into a new school together.  I even miss the you that slapped me because you said I was hysterical.  (when we were 13 and 15 ish).  I miss the you that used to talk about our dreams with me.  I miss the you that had a smile that lit up a room. 

I miss the you that rubbed tushies with me. 
I miss the you that loved life. 
The you that cried because I was getting married... again.  ... not because you were sad but because you loved me. 
I miss the you that loved your daughter "to the moon and back" and told her often...  "You are the best thing I did"! 

I miss the you that shared my history...  I just don't know how to say goodbye to you. 
I love you very much Kiki!  "Kiki DO IT!"  I will miss you forever. 


Anonymous said...

Hugs to you Jess! You are in my prayers.

Finding Joy said...

Hugs and Kisses Jess, my prayers are with you and your family!

Dana said...

many, many hugs to you, friend!

Meg said...

Words can't express how sorry I am - but your words are such a wonderful tribute. I know you loved her so much.

Jess said...

HUGE hugs! I know she is smiling down on you as she read this tribute to her. What a wonderful sister you are. Always thinking of you.