Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Keeping up with the Pregnancy: 39 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 39 Weeks
Size of baby: Jocelyn is the size of a watermelon! 
Total Weight Gain/Loss: I gained 1/6th of a pound 
Maternity Clothes: I look like an Oompa Loompa
Gender: It's a girl!!! Jocelyn Anne
Movement: I'm thinking she's trying to find an escape route.
Sleep: not sleeping so well these days.  Wide awakes from 2-5 most nights.     
What I miss:  hard to say.... being comfortable?   
Cravings: Fruit and smoothies and really no food at all. 
Symptoms: All the usual.   
Best Moment this week:  
hmmmm....  the anticipation really...  knowing that in one week, she'll be here.  Knowing that in one week I will be nuzzling her toes and smelling her sweet baby scent.  Knowing that I will get to nurse her, like I did her brother.  Seeing her daddy hold her in his arms and knowing that she will forever look up to that face with adoration... (sometimes anger mixed in).  Seeing her grandparents (all of them) hold her and squeeze her and agree in their head to protect her at that moment for the rest of their lives. 
For, in one week from tomorrow at the latest...  My little Jocelyn will be here.  

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Never had the chance... .

When I was pregnant with Joe they induced me at about 37.5 weeks due to low fluid...  and as you know, it ended in a c-section. 

So I never had the chance to get overly tired of being pregnant.  I have enjoyed being pregnant both times I have had the blessing to be so...  and any complaints I have had have strictly been for the comedic value. 

And this time has been sooo easy.  It's been harder having a toddler but man, oh man, has my husband been a husband of champions.  In trying to NOT change Joe's schedule he has been in charge of the night time routine for awhile now and he's really gone off of my moods which has been fantastic. 

But, I can honestly say that this weekend... I am done.  I am done.  I want my body back.  I am feeling claustrophobic in my own skin... there are two people here and the one is too big to be inhabiting it.  My tummy is tight.  My hormones are CRAZY and it's easter and I don't feel like it. 

I don't want to be alone.  I don't want to be with people.  I have to be the most frustrating person in the world to be around right now.  Is this NORMAL? 

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Keeping up with the pregnancy: 38 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 38 Weeks
Size of baby: Jocelyn is the size of a watermelon! 
Total Weight Gain/Loss: I actually lost a pound this week. 
Maternity Clothes: Clothes are getting a bit harder.  I HATE having the band around my middle.  So I like sundresses and such.   
Gender: It's a girl!!! Jocelyn Anne
Movement: She still is a mover and a shaker.
Sleep: not sleeping so well these days.  Rolling over takes an act of congress.     
What I miss:  hard to say.  I'm not really missing anything right now.   
Cravings: Fruit and smoothies. 
Symptoms: All the usual.   
Best Moment this week:  Having her nursery done, for the most part.  Seeing her on a sonogram this morning.  She is approximately 7 lbs 9 oz (give or take) and the doctor did say that it's looking more and more like a repeat c-section.  I'm disappointed but what matters is that she is healthy and thriving.  
this time and when I was pregnant with Joe.  Looks pretty similar doesn't it?  

Monday, April 18, 2011

Dearest Jocelyn,

I remember sitting here about four years ago writing a letter to Joe.  It just so happened that he made his arrival the next day.  I don't feel that happening with you, baby girl...  but nevertheless, here I sit at 4:23 am... awake.  

I have learned first hand the very special bond a mother can have with her son.  And I also know from the opposite direction the specialness of the bond between mother and daughter.  I look forward to being your mom...  to teaching you new things, to grow in life together and to have that special relationship that I have with my mom.  

But that's not what has me thinking this morning.  I think one of the things I am most excited about, in having a girl this time around, is the relationship that I know is going to develop between you and your daddy.  The bond with father and daughter is priceless.... or rather CAN be priceless.  Not all women are blessed the way that I have been.  

My relationship with my daddy is hard to define.  He was stern when I was growing up and really not around all that much.  He was working.  That's what he did.  But I will NEVER forget going off to college and calling my dad to check on him and asking how he was and having him say...  "fine...  no, not fine!  It's awful quiet around here, I miss you!"  

I really think a new relationship developed in that instance.  We had a good attachment before that...  do not get me wrong...  but the friendship was born that day.  We have since solved the worlds problems together, created a few problems, made money, lost money, walked on the great wall of China, had great adventures, danced together, worried each other and worried about each other, prayed for each other in our own unique ways, enjoyed each other and loved each other.  My dad is my hero and my friend.  

I know that your relationship with your daddy is going to be equally as special.  It will be different than mine with my dad but he is a lot like your grandaddy.  Both are strong and principled, have soft hearts and hands that can make "boo boo's" better.  A hug from them can cure a 1000 ailments and a chastisement can hurt 10,000 times worse than you will ever expect it to.  

Your daddy is used to having a rough and tumble little boy with a smile that will radiate 10 miles.  He is teaching your big brother so many wonderful qualities that he will need to be a strong, smart and successful, loving man.  Your brother has taught him (and me) a few things too... like how to be parents.  How to expect a lot but nurture too.  How to let your spirits soar while still respecting boundaries and rules.  How a hug from you two can cure 10,000 ailments in our hearts.  

But what I am so excited to see... is how his big strong heart is going to melt in a different way when he holds his little girl.  He will still teach the same lessons and expect the same things but...  BUT, your relationship will be different.  It will be special and you each hold a power that, I pray, you will someday know it's strength.  You hold the key to each others heart.  Be gentle with it.  It's a gift.  

You are his princess but he...he is the king of your world.  Dance together...  twirl together...  sit on his lap and look into his eyes... tell him you adore him. 

I love you baby girl!  You are treasured, you are wanted, you were prayed for before you were even a glimmer in our eyes.  

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
         Marvelous are Your works,
         And that my soul knows very well."  Psalm 139

Saturday, April 16, 2011

A great Saturday

Jason ran his first 10K this morning.  He got up at the butt crack of dawn..  and Joe and I had a leisurely wake up of 7:00 am.  :)  We gathered up and headed out to cheer him on as he finished the race.  It was a beautiful day and Joe was chatting happily with me the whole way there.  We found a good spot and were there for about 5 minutes before we saw Jason running towards us.  PERFECT timing. 

He said it wasn't as hard as he thought it would be for someone who hadn't trained for it.  :)  He also said that just because you CAN do it without training doesn't mean you SHOULD do it.  ha!  I am proud of him and envious.  I cannot wait to strap on my running shoes again. 

We then came on home and had a nice relaxing morning, we all took naps and then Jason took Joe to the train while I did grocery shopping.  I even had the chance to go to multiple stores for better deals.  :) 

Tonight I decided it was important for Joe and I to have a date.  With Baby J's upcoming arrival...  I wanted to take him to Red Lobster, have him hold my hand and give me lots of kisses. 

When we pulled up...  he got out of the car and took my hand.  We walked in and he said to the hostess... "table for two please".  The hostess melted.  We explained that we were on a date and what that meant.  She asked if she could have a date.  :-) 

It wasn't a spectacular day of exciting events.  It was a spectacular day filled with moments I want to freeze in my  memory banks forever and ever. 

I hope y'all had a great saturday too. 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

thoughts on pregnancy....

There are certain things you know when you get pregnant are going to happen.  Especially if it's your second baby.  These are, of course, generalizations.... 

  1. You will be tired in the first trimester. 
  2. You will have gas like a 13 year old boy after eating Mexican from a ta taco truck. 
  3. You will have to pee every thirty seconds. 
  4. You might have nausea and nope, morning sickness is a misnomer.  It can happen morning, noon, night or driving down the street where there is no where to puke but the day old starbucks bag from the muffin you couldn't resist.
  5. You will worry every time you go to the bathroom that there just might be something you don't want to see.  And then when there is not... you sigh a big sigh of relief. 
  6. You will complain to anyone who knows about the ache's, pains, gas, peeing, sleepiness. 
  7. If it stops you will get scared. 
  8. In the second trimester... you will go through a honeymoon phase where everything is great including your energy, appetite and libido.
  9. You will develop your bump and think it's so cool to have this new shape.  Round IS a perfectly acceptable shape. 
  10. You will think it's kind of cute when the well meaning busybody er neighbor down the street notices and gives you all kinds of unsolicited advice.
  11. As you progress through the third trimester, you kind of go back to the first trimester in symptoms.  All of a sudden you are peeing all the time again (due to baby's position).  You have gas that slips out at a moments notice, or not.  You start to pee when you sneeze, laugh or cough.  Your sleepiness returns and is accompanied by insomnia where you think of all the things you have yet to do. 
  12. Nesting begins and all of a sudden you HAVE to get everything done and done NOW! 
  13. You soon have to be rolled out of bed by your significant other. 
  14. Turning over in bed becomes an act of congress where you steal the sheets, covers and real estate from anyone you are sharing said bed with. 
  15. You are STARVING and then when you eat you are FULL and can't possibly take another bite. 
  16. Your boobs grow so large that they really could have their own zip code. 
  17. The entire thought of 'getting busy' with your significant other throws you into fits of giggles and serious contemplation as to how THAT's supposed to work. 
  18. And... you begin getting comments from well meaning strangers that say.. "wow, you are about to pop!"  "are you sure it's not twins?"  "There is just no way you can possibly get any bigger than you are!"  "Wow, that just flat out looks painful!" 
  19. At about 37 weeks...  you realize the merits in maternity leave and you know why people don't work until their due dates.  :-/
  20. And last but not least...  the one thing you absolutely know in your heart of hearts is that you are SUPPOSED to be getting bigger. 

Now... it's the last thing that I want to talk about a little bit and then I will do one last thing you know as I close.  :) 

As a woman growing up... we are drilled about body images and being healthy and being fit and being skinny.  This day and age is actually more about healthy than skinny, thank God!  I am so grateful that my daughter will grow up knowing that eating and living healthy is more important than being 'skinny'. 

But, having grown up with these body images... even knowing that you are supposed to be "round" when you are pregnant is hard.  I get to a point in my pregnancies where even the maternity clothes are not fitting and the short/pants roll down. 

I had one of these such days the other day and it's very difficult to explain how or why you can be thrown into a fit of bad self image.  I have been very blessed to stay active my entire pregnancy and this time I have managed to keep most of the weight to my belly...  but you can know this in your head and you can still feel bad in your mirror heart. 

 Hearing people tell you how big you are...  is never really ok.  Offering suggestions of the latest fashionable mumuu... not ok.  Telling a future mama that she needs two chairs or surely won't fit through that aisle...  not helpful.

I think that even though you know you are supposed to get big as your pregnancy progresses... it's just as hard to squash those niggling self image feelings you grow up with.  And you know what...  I think that is normal too. 

And last but not least... the major thing you KNOW when you are pregnant...  is that you love this little being beyond anything you can possibly imagine.  You plan his/her future.  You imagine what wonderful things they will touch.  The people they will encounter.  The life that will unfold for them.  Their lives... their future... their path... their destiny.  I may have "made that hand, that rib, that knee" which is the ultimate miracle...  but she will determine (with God's help) where she goes with it. 

All worth a few pounds gained, don'tcha think? 

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Keeping up with the Pregnancy: 37 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 36 Weeks
Size of baby: Jocelyn is the size of a stalk of swiss chard?  how big is a stalk of swiss chard?
Total Weight Gain/Loss: another pound... but I really think it's fluid around my ankles.  :-/
Maternity Clothes: Clothes are getting a bit harder.  I HATE having the band around my middle.  So I like sundresses and such.   
Gender: It's a girl!!! Jocelyn Anne
Movement: her activity seems to be getting more stifled.  She is still moving it's just more shoving and punching that I'm feeling these days.
Sleep: not sleeping so well these days.  Rolling over takes an act of congress.     
What I miss:  I can feel myself waddling more and more... arching my back.   
Cravings: Fruit and smoothies. 
Symptoms: heartburn, throwing up every morning again (yay), still braxton hicks.  Swelling... my hands and feet have started to swell.   :) My rings are now on a chain around my neck. 
Best Moment this week:  getting J's shelf done in her room.  Now, to paint it and then I can 
paint her letters. 
I hate that picture but... it does depict the ever growing belly..... 

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Keeping up with the pregnancy: 36 weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 36 Weeks
Size of baby: Jocelyn is the size of a crenshaw melon (what the heck is THAT?)
Total Weight Gain/Loss: I gained another pound in one week.  :(  but I think a lot of it is retained fluid.
Maternity Clothes: Clothes are getting a bit harder.  I HATE having the band around my middle.  So I like sundresses and such.   
Gender: It's a girl!!! Jocelyn Anne
Movement: She is pretty active and getting bigger!  She pushes back when I push her.  She feels a bit tighter in there and they are more shoves rather than kicks.
Sleep: She's sitting on my bladder so the bathroom trips are plentiful and not very rewarding.  :-/   
What I miss:  I can feel myself waddling more and more... arching my back.   
Cravings: Fruit and smoothies. 
Symptoms: heartburn, throwing up every morning again (yay), still braxton hicks.  I am now effaced 40% which is a good start.  Swelling... my hands and feet have started to swell.   :) 
Best Moment this week:  hearing that I had a wee bit of progression and seeing my maternity pictures.