Friday, March 27, 2009

Random Musings.......

So Jason is in matagorda this weekend cleaning the rats out of their new house. yep... you read that right... rats. ugh! He and five other guys went in on a house for hunting and fishing... it was basically an abandoned house that they spent too much money on (wink wink) but that once they fix it up it will really be someplace special for all them and their kids.

But this is a work weekend for all of them. They are going to clean and clean and put it all together.

So, I worked today and planned on closing early because today was "Spring Fling" at Joe's daycare. I got there there was no place to park and after driving around three separate times (joy)... parked in the grass. I got inside and found out that it was mainly for the big kids... the little kids didn't even go... humph.

Joe and I had a great night though. As soon as we got home he ate. Much earlier than we had been eating which actually worked a lot better. Go figure. We played. I was even able to make him some banana muffins... give him a bath and then we played.

Now I sit here... watching Supernanny and evaluating my own parenting skills. I am actually worried that the things she's correcting in those couples are things that I am doing. Joe is almost two and still has a paci. He goes to bed in his own bed but will end up in ours at somepoint during the night. Now granted... he's not even two... but I know... I know... somethings need to change.

I actually like Supernanny's way of getting kids to sleep in their own beds. I might could do that because you are IN the room although that doesn't seem to be the problem with Joe. He wakes up and I'm not there and that's when he gets upset. He hates to be alone. Now he plays well on his own but he hates to sleep on his own.

We all want to be good parents. And what makes a good parent? I know that I do not need to be his friend. He will have a lot of friends in his lifetime... he needs two parents. He needs people to teach him right from wrong... good from bad... acceptable and unacceptable. I guess I think of him still as such a baby... and that he doesn't understand. He does... he understands so much more than we all think he does.

I have been rather mellow this week. I have spent a lot of time praying for a little boy that I do not know. A family that I have never met and probably will never meet. Why is it that this family has touched my (and so many others) hearts? What is it about them? I have no idea. I do know that from this more "spiritual" person (as opposed to specifically Christian, although I am working on this too)... I have done more *praying* than I think I have ever done. More specific praying. It has caused a lot of soul searching. the where's and the what for's. One thing is for certain though... I don't have a single doubt that my prayers are being heard. That, THAT, is comforting.

My husband thinks I am nuts. certifiable in fact. But if he were to really think about it... I have met most of my friends through the internet. Some of my best friends I have met through a message board. I keep in touch with people that I haven't seen in twenty years... through the internet. I keep my journal on a site that can be accessed by anyone. In this day and age of reality television... is it any surprise that I feel drawn to a real family that is in need. I guess the sad part is that I then start to think of the fact that there are so many OTHER families that I don't know about that need just as many good thoughts and prayers. This beautiful baby boy is just lucky, just blessed, enough to have a mama who is an excellent writer and has been able to draw people into her circle through her spirit, her words and her humor.

I told you my thoughts were random tonight.

I'm tired. I should be in bed. I'm not.

I sit here checking on my usual sites and drinking the last of my glass of wine. Since being home... I have brought the trash cans in... emptied and refilled the dishwasher, fed Joe and I, made banana muffins, bathed the baby, played with the baby, prepared his water for the night, put the baby to bed, picked up and am now updating the blog... not much really. ;)

I do more at home than my husband. He probably won't agree with me but there it is... I said it. He does more at work than I do. There... I said that too. But, I can. I can do it. I can handle the business on my own if I have to (for example he left this morning at 9:00 am and I handled it all day)... I just don't want to. There, I said that too. I wish I didn't feel guilty for it.

Is it super bad that i actually look forward to when poodle toots wakes up and comes down with me? he's such a good snuggler. Sometime during the night, he will reach out, wrap his little chubby arms around my neck and pull me just a little bit closer as his breathing levels back out. how can you NOT look forward to that?

And the morning... the morning is so much fun!!! He wakes up talking to me. He'll say HI and then fall over and nuzzle for awhile. The he sits up and talks to me... he'll say JOOSH (water) and this goes on for awhile. He *lets* me tickle him... when I stop and the giggle subside he gives me the sign for "more". Too cute. These are the moments that I will never get back again. :)

I am one lucky... and blessed... woman. :)


Meg said...

Aw Jess I luv ya, you are too cool!!! Cool lady.

Jess said... ARE a good mommy! And you have a great heart.

I often find myself saying prayers specifically for a person in a certain situation and end up feeling guilty that I didn't pray for all the others in a similar state and do a generic prayer asking that all that need extra comfort/strength/healing will be given it and that always makes me feel better. But I DO feel a closer connection when I'm able to focus on what's really needed.

Ingram Gang said...

I liked your honesty. You ARE cool.

And I do more around our house too. It's a no-brainer for my husband though. :)

Delia said...

You are a great mom. And a wonderful friend.

Kelly said...

What a sweet post. I love those little special moments w/K. So fleeting! We have to treasure. You have memoralized those moments with eloquence.