today, is MY birthday. 33 years ago, my mom welcomed me into this world and I would like to think that she had many of the same worries and anxieties and excitements that I do, right now. I know that times were different then and the world events made specific worries different... but, as a mother... the *act* of worrying is the same, no?
I think of the milestones in my life thus far... but mostly, I think back about three years. For some reason, that birthday is jumping out the most for me. I was turning 30. I was off of ships and had said that when I turned 30, I wanted to be in a house, with a dog named Murphey and a garden. I also said something about a husband and more. And, on my 30th birthday... I celebrated with wonderful friends AND... your daddy. Your daddy and I had literally just met one month before and yet, I would like to think that we both just knew.
We woke up that morning and went to his company picnic... remember, we had just been dating for one month. When we arrived at the pavilion, they had our name tags and they had mine as ‘Jessica Davis’... which probably FREAKED your daddy out. Some of his other friends, Rob and Candy mostly... just smiled and said that the same thing had happened to them when they first started dating. I smiled inwardly and thought... now that would be nice. :)
That night, we celebrated with my friends and family at the Melting Pot. There had to have been almost 30 of us. We had such a nice time... food, friendship and budding love. What more can you ask for?
And yet... about one week earlier, your cousin Emilie had been born. I remember the *magic* of that event... the anticipation, again, the anxieties, the joy and then the overwhelming love that coursed through me. I had the great fortune of being present when Emi was born. To see her enter this world... wow! I wondered at the time... when would I ever get to experience that... THAT feeling?
And now... three years later, on my 33rd birthday... I sit here, (at 4:00 am no less), thinking about YOUR birth, your existence and thinking about the landmarks that will happen in YOUR life. I wonder what you will look like. Will you have Daddy’s eyes? Will you have my smile? I hope you have your Big Daddy’s laugh and zest for life, your Bebe’s quest for knowledge and living, your Paw Paw’s steadfast loyalty and backbone and your Maw Maw’s endless patience and ability to love. I wish for you, your auntie Erin’s ability to take chaos and make it into beauty and your Auntie Kristin’s ability to accept diverse situations and love without limitations.
I dream for you to have your daddy’s ... well, his everything with a bit of *me* thrown in for good measure. :) I think about your daddy... right now... and his ability to calm me, to make me laugh, his patience, his communication skills and just the way he loves me... and lets me know that I am loved. If you have half of that, when you get older... you will be a remarkable man! You see, 3 years ago, when I met your daddy... I had no idea what I was getting into... but, wow, if I had gotten a glimpse... I would have recognized what love can BE.
What parts of me do I hope that you get? :) I hope that you inherit my love of adventure. Don’t EVER think that you CAN’T do something. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you don’t have the ability to do anything in the world that you want to do! I hope that you get my optimism... because, you see... I tend to believe that with my ‘anything is possible’ attitude that people are inherently good and wise and loving. I believe in chances... (I get this from your maw maw) and I believe that if you give someone a chance... they might blow it.... but not for lack of trying and again... anything is possible. :)
So... here I am. 4:30 am on MY birthday... wondering when you are going to make your entrance into this world... and wondering when you do, what you will be like. I know that you will face many challenges in your life, but that will make you stronger. I know that you will have many joys in your life... and I hope and pray that I get to be there for ALL of them. I know that you will face adversity and failure... and hope that you will always know that we are right there beside you but you will learn from those experiences and then... one day, you will look up and all of a sudden... you will be 33 and wonder how you did it all!
Know that you did it all... with the help of your family. With the help of your friends and with the help of God who made it all possible, from the start.
I love you Baby Joseph... with EVERY fiber of my being!